Okay, wow. Where to even start? If I were to sum up this movie in one sentence, it would be this: A completely random movie that is full of nonsensical gore and sex. Bottom line, people. This movie was completely ridiculous! I thought for sure this was a Tarantino film, but I guess there are actually 3 people that weird in this world. Let’s start off with the abundance of sex and nudity. It is obvious that this movie was geared towards the male audience, with the majority of the movie focusing on sex. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a good sex scene in a movie, but this was just way over the top! The full 3 minute sex scene that showed about 10 different sexual positions was just really too much. I’m sorry, I thought we were watching a sequel to an action movie, not a porno?

Speaking of porn, Ron Jeremy made a short appearance in this film. That’s another thing. The cast in this film was so completely random. It was like decent actors and actresses read the script for this movie and didn’t want anything to do with it, so the directors placed an ad on Craigslist asking people to show up for filming. What happened? A bunch of bored celebs showed up, thus creating one of the craziest casts ever. The cast is as follows:

-Geri Halliwell (former Spice Girl)
-Corey Haim (80s super child star)
-Mr. Miogi (old Asian dude from Karate Kid)
-Chester Bennington (of Linkin Park)
-Danny Lohner (of Nine Inch Nails)
-Maynard James Keenan (lead singer of Tool)

Need I say more? This cast speaks for itself. The racial stereotypes were hilarious — of course the Asians would speed away in a tuned Civic. The black hooker’s name would be Chocolate. Come on. Get creative! The story line itself was unbelievable, but I tried to give it a chance. I mean, really. Why would some pierced up Asian dude be walking around town with a heart in a cooler anyway? Plus, how would Chelios survive all those electrical shocks? Then we come to the end — a massive showdown between the Mexican Mafia and a Porno Mob complete with guns, titties, bloodshed, and gold teeth. Really. I am embarassed to say that I even sat through this entire film.

Crank 2: High Voltage barely scraped up 2 stars, and only because it kept me from stopping myself from shutting the movie off multiple times, just so I could see how much weirder things could get. Like that could even be possible. Ugh.